I sometimes hear from women who are relieved that their husband is beginning to show a little more interest in them while they are going through a marital separation. However, as relieved as they are, these women can be unsure as to what is the best way to react to this new found interest. Should they show their own interest? Should they keep their response a little subdued because it’s a bad idea to get their hopes up? Is it better to play hard to get?
I recently heard from a wife who had all of these questions and more. She said in part: “my husband wanted very little to do with me during the months before he finally moved out. I tried everything possible to get his attention and to make him interested in me again. But nothing worked. I suggested marital counseling. I told him that I would make changes and concessions. I promised him that I would become a better wife and do everything in my power to make our marriage better but nothing reached him. So he moved out five weeks ago. At first, I did not hear much from him. And then, last week out of the blue he called me and asked if I wanted to go for coffee. I said sure, I’d go but deep down, I suspected that he was going to tell me that he was filing for divorce. I was wrong about that. He just wanted to see how I was doing. And he flirted with me the entire time. He called me the next day and asked me out to dinner. During that same dinner, he asked me if I was dating anyone and started being nosy about my life. He asked me how I felt about him and kissed me goodnight at the end of the evening. Although I’m very happy that he is showing interest in me, I’m left wondering what I should do now. All I wanted for months was for him to love me back. But now, I doubt what I’m seeing. I’m wondering why he’s interested in me now. I want to be receptive to his interest. I want to kiss him back. But I am so afraid of getting hurt. How should I play this? Should I ask him why he’s acting this way? Or just take it as it comes?”
I know that it’s very easy to over think in this situation and try to analyze every single thing that your husband says and does. This is especially true when your marriage is this important to you. But in my own experience, it’s best that you don’t hang on so tightly that you sabotage yourself. And it’s important that you understand what might be behind your husband’s new interest in you.
Your Husband’s New Found Interest In You Is Likely Due To Him Having The Time And Space To Miss You. Take Full Advantage Of This By Not Moving Too Quickly: The wife was confused as to why her husband was suddenly interested in her. Most of the time, he is interested in you because you are no longer at his beck and call or trying so hard. That makes you more interesting. And it doesn’t hurt that he probably misses you. Which is why in my experience it’s best not to move too fast. Now, there’s a difference between allowing things to go at their natural slower pace and out and out ignoring him or playing hard to get by taking it to the extremes.
I wouldn’t advise you to pretend to be unaffected by his attention or pretend to feel something that you don’t. In other words, if you want to kiss him back, there is nothing wrong with that. But it’s also important that you don’t automatically assume that the kiss means that you are getting back together or that all of your problems are over. There’s no doubt this in an improvement, but if you move too fast, you run the risk of scaring him off or worse in showing him that nothing has really changed at all. Frankly, there’s a shift of power here and that can be a good thing. That’s not to say that you should abuse that power or make your husband feel rejected when you want him as much as he wants you.
My best advice is to move very slowly. Continue to let the time and distance work for you. When the two of you are together, flirt, be playful, and enjoy this time. This brings him closer to you. This allows for you to feel more confidence that he really does love and want you. This can be a precious time and it can also allow you to slowly work your way back to a place where he is the one initiating the contact because he is a willing participant in this relationship.
That’s a great thing because if you play your cards right, you can sometimes set it up where he is the one initiating getting you back and coming back home, which is quite the change between the women who was begging her husband not to leave and promising him crazy compromises if only he would stay. Him taking the initiative puts you in a much better position because you no longer have to make those sorts of silly promises and concessions. You are both equals and you are both willing participants in the relationship. Just make sure that you don’t become overly anxious or try to push for a commitment too soon. Wait until he is the one asking if he can come home, but feel free to return his interest if that is what you really feel.